Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
