How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
