i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
