not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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