i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Come share oat with me in your robe
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
