Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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