so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
