my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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