whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
