I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
