lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
