508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
