who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have post one night stand depression
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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