apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
