Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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