Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
