Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
