Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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