Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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