I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize