I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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