So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
