I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
