Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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