im about as happy as oj after his trial
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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