I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
