Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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