im drinking this country out of the recession.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
