i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
