Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
