Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
