Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
