Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
