The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize