ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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