saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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