The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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