3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
