A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
