do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
