so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
