It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
