Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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