i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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