Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
