Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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