we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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