You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I AM VODKA MAN
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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