i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
