At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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