gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
