loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
