Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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