It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
