i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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