Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
