It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
