There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
