found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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