After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
