How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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