Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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