Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
