she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
