took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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