Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
