hotel room ftw
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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