Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize