dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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