I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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