Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
