We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
