I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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