apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize