ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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